Updated: Apr 11, 2021
I always thought of myself as a bit of a boys girl / a tomboy - I always had a good group of girlfriends at school but hated the pointless drama and fallings out that would come from being in such a large group. I was always friends with lots of guys and would get the humour and feel comfortable being around them and could relate to how they conducted their friendships. If they were annoyed about something, they spoke up and dealt with it there and then. With girls, tell tales and rumours would go round in circles, things would be awkward for a while then it would all blow up, creating a very toxic environment.
Fast forward a few years and I started uni, I still had my firm girl group at home but found uni just as toxic. I had to wonder if it was me, I was direct but my friends knew I appreciated them and loved spending time together, I still do. In my final year of uni, I lived with 4 men and it was the most relaxed household I had lived in. No arguments, a bit of mess but a laid back atmosphere and one where for the majority of the time, everyone got along. As I got older though, I realised couldn't have the same conversations with these men that I could with females, even with my long term partner.
When I sit and think about the people that have dug deep with me and truly understood my troubles, thoughts and feelings, it is always a female I have looked to. And I feel I owe an apology to them, not because they knew how I felt about female relationships but because I hadn't realised the impact they would have on me. I appreciate my girls and the struggles we have all faced whether that be on our own or together, and now more than ever I realise the strength, female friendships can bring to your life. Whether I know them, whether I knew them or am yet to connect with them, no man is going to support you in the same way a female will. They won't share your content, rave about you to their friends, give advice and guidance, understand your mind and body the same way a guy ever could. There's a girl code and it's not about taking a man, it's about spreading love, lifting others up, holding out a hand and sharing the spotlight.
If you don't feel this kind of support, look around you, who is in your circle? Do you need to do some decluttering to get the valued friendships you deserve? No one should make you feel inferior or unworthy. Find a tribe that lift you up and make you feel like anything is possible, and even on the darkest of days like you matter to the world. Because you do 💖